


Todd's Guide to Making Dirk Be Quiet in the Face of Danger

by aremdulen



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9059431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aremdulen/pseuds/aremdulen
Summary: Dirk tends to rattle on when he's scared. This, unsurprisingly, is a problem.
Set at the beginning of episode 7.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Russian Translation](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5066658) done by the wonderful [damn_marina](https://ficbook.net/authors/430604)

Dirk really doesn't know how to shut up. Todd should have seen it coming given how Dirk could go on for hours about anything, but now was not a good time. Of course leave it to Dirk to get them sent back in time and then not shut up in the face of danger. The bald men and their leader (at least that's what Todd thinks he is, either way his coat is cool) have Lydia and the corgi but they're themselves. 

"Put the dog there." the main guy says "Put the her in the dog and the dog in the her."

Dirk faces Todd and whispers, not very quietly, "That's Lydia!"

"Get her tied!"

"Oh god." Dirk whispers again (still too loud for Todd's liking). 

"Everyone back up, back up. Okay three two one go." the guy flips the switch and the lightning happens again, just like when Dirk and Todd traveled back in time. The machine moves, switching the corgi and girl to opposite sides. 

Dirk goes to talk again, but Todd was preparing for this. He moves his hand and covers Dirk's mouth. "Shut up," Todd adds, and unlike _someone_ , Todd whispers it. Dirk pouts and Todd can feel his bottom lip jut out against his palm. 

Meanwhile, the transfer is completed and the guy moves back towards the machine cautiously, with his hands up to tell the others to stay back. Lydia raises her head, _oh that's why she acts like a dog,_ Todd thinks, lightly hitting himself in the face. The guy pets the sides of Lydia's face and out of context, (hell even in context) it looks weird and awkward.

"Get the dog," the guy says and the doors open, revealing what are probably some more bad guys, causing Dirk to start babbling again.

_Fuck, why did I remove my hand?_ Todd thinks. He goes to put his hand over Dirk's mouth again, but Dirk is ready this time and ducks his head.

"Oh shit, that's not good. Why did you let me transport us back in time, Todd? it was a bad idea and-" Todd cuts him off by grabbing his head and pressing their lips together. Dirk's eyes widen, but he's not talking, so it's a victory in Todd's book.

Meanwhile, the guy and his bald lackeys were being confronted by a girl with some very weird markings on her face and her own army. The guy keeps repeating "Woah. Woah," over and over again, which begins to draw Dirk's interest. Keeping Dirk's focus off of what was happening out there and on Todd's mouth is a good plan (at least at the time, according to Todd) so Todd pries his way between Dirk's lips.

He pushes his tongue into Dirk's mouth and Dirk pulls away, "Todd, what-" Todd kisses Dirk again, this time holding onto Dirk's neck.

Dirk responds this time; he presses his way into Todd's mouth before Todd can even think.

Todd vaguely hears loud noises from the groups of bad guys but, between the blood rushing to his ears and the little noises Dirk is making, Todd quickly forgets about them.

Dirk pulls away, _again_ , Todd thinks. He takes a small breath and smiles, that tiny one that he has no right in using, (because according to Todd "It makes him look too goddamn cute, Farah!") before he resumes kissing Todd.

The plan to get Dirk to be quiet truly works. In fact, it keeps both Dirk and Todd distracted long enough for a guy to come into the abandoned animal transfer unit and take out most of the people in the room. Then the guy finds Dirk and Todd behind the rack. Lets just say the best way to meet someone wearing weird steam-punk armor with power to very easily kill you isn't with your tongue down your best friend's throat.

They both pull away rather awkwardly and the steam-punk guy shoves Dirk against the wall by his throat ( _God the marks I could leave on that thing_ , Todd thinks, then shakes his head because _now is not the time, you idiot!)._

And, of course, Dirk almost gets himself killed again by running his mouth.

The guy, Patrick Spring apparently as revealed by Dirk's long speech, drops Dirk from his neck hold (Dirk falls to the ground even though he could have landed on his feet because he is, on top of being a blabber mouth, not good at using his feet) and Patrick looks over at Todd, "Do you know any way to make him talk less?"

"Other than making out with him," Todd laughs and shakes his head. "No, not really."

(Later, Dirk will ask Todd about what happened and Todd will insist "Nothing, nothing happened." Dirk will do _that_ smile, and Todd will feel his heart melt and know that something did happen.)

**Author's Note:**

> i have an idea for another fic, which would hopefully be longer, but idk if it'll go anywhere :/ anyways, i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> tumblr is @dirkandtodd


End file.
